Motherhood at 50-20 Things no one tells you.

When I met my husband, we were heading down the path of just living in mortal sin. You know, the modern living arrangement of living together. However, as our relationship grew, so did our minds. At first, we wanted just to live together and hopefully, eventually we would get to having a family. But that didn’t happen.

On a visit to my regular physician, I introduced her to my new live-in co-sinner. After the normal exam, she looked at the both of us and said, “You two, are you planning on getting married?” Mind you I hadn’t mentioned how long we had actually know each other. And like two people who were indifferent about the subject, just shrugged. She looked at us both with that – you better know by now – looks and said, “Well, if that’s the case, then you two need to forget about big weddings and start on kids ASAP!” HUH? WHAT? “You two realize as you get older, it will be harder? And further more, it gets riskier.”

Well, needless to say, we took her advice and went to work. Maybe work isn’t exactly what we did, but for a good three months we had a very good time!

Welcome! Baby boy #1!

Wilfredo K was born 6lbs. 15oz. Ten fingers, ten toes. Beautiful and I was hopelessly in love.

Wait a few more years and Baby boy #2 arrived. Robert K. Born 7lb 15oz. Ten fingers, ten toes. Beautiful and I was hopelessly in love.

That was nearly 10 and 7 years ago. Time flies, and now I am 50. No one told me at this age, it would be harder on my body and that losing all that baby weight would take decades. It’s still a learn-as-you-go process but sometimes I really wish that motherhood came with instructions, how-to’s, and FAQs. Because what no one tells you – is a lot.

1. They never tell you, you’ll never pee the same without surgery. Invest in feminine leakage pads, now!
2. The diet you used in your 30’s is useless post baby. Your metabolism has become nothing.
3. Sleeping will no long exist. You will lead a cat-like existence of napping and moving at sudden noises.
4. Your hair will go into phases of shock and unmanageable mattes.
5. Your appetite will double, even triple, depending on how hungry everyone else is.
6. Exercise when you can. You’ll be very busy with the family you wanted.
7. Sex? Either, you’re too tired, he’s too tired, or the kids are awake.
8. That your children will take up 99.9% of your thoughts.
9. Sometimes, having a Snicker is all you’ll have time for.
10. Buy pre-made salads, you’re going to need them.
11. Take a multi-vitamin(consult your physician).
12. Your kids are the mirror image of you. Make sure they look good.
13. You’ll need a sound proof room. All those cuss words can be heard outside the door.
14. Put good things into your body! It’s the only vehicle you have to get you through an 18 hour work day.
15. That some of the parents in your kid’s school will be some of the closest friends you’ll have.
16. You’ll be obsessed with what schools you should send them to.
17. That your idea of a vacation includes a mouse, a minion, and legos.
18. You’ll take only 1 vacation p/year.
19. Remodeling will be a vacation.
20. If this were a paying job, no one could pay the fee.

Do you wish that someone told you what motherhood would be like? To tell you the in’s and out’s giving you shortcuts, advice, and the nitty-gritty of life with kids at an older age? Let me know what you wished you knew!

Gallery: Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland | International Bellhop Travel Magazine

Located in the Canton of Bern, in the North Western Jungfrau region, Lauterbrunnen is one of the deepest valleys in the Swiss Alps. With some stretches as narrow as a kilometer across the valley fl…

Source: Gallery: Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland | International Bellhop Travel Magazine

5 Ways to Help a Cancer Patient

5 Years, it’s been. And I couldn’t be more grateful or happy. As I look back on the previous years, I have been, without a doubt, BLESSED! I have my family, an NED(no evidence of disease), and I turned 50. Not bad.

I wanted to share a couple of things with those of  you who are or have been touched by the C word. There’s a whole gamut of things that goes on when someone hears those words, “you have cancer.” Especially, when you’re a patient. However, what happens to those who are closest to the patient, what do you do to help? Because, that’s all you want to do, and that’s be helpful! And you can be, and here’s how.

1. Ask questions. Don’t tip toe! We know we have cancer, you don’t need to avoid the 300 pound pink gorilla in the room.
2. Chemo can make someone forgetful, moody, and irritable. Forgive them.
3. Cook for them. Yes, cook. Chemo can make a person weak, trying to stand in front of a stove can be difficult.
4. Hire someone to clean. Most cancer patients can’t take the smell of chemicals, nor are the fumes good for them.
5. Don’t be the physician. Most cancer patients already have a team working on them. They need a cheerleader, not another team player.

This small and simple list might help someone you know. F*** cancer and all that is totally cool, but being a friend and helper is simply the very best.

 

 

No Shoes in the House

 

 

You’d think that this would be a no brainer. However, it’s not! Especially, if you live east of Hawaii. This phenomena, the removing of shoes before you enter your house or anyone else’s, is very much a cultural thing; one that is not shared by many, especially one Cuban husband. Cubans don’t remove their shoes and it drives me insane. However, after 10 years of togetherness, I am finally getting through to my other half. It’s has been a slow and painful process, one that may cause some women to drink, heavily. My psychotic behavior, and I say psychotic, because I haven’t fully converted my husband, yet. I believe I will prevail.

I drop articles. Studies. I have even left his house slippers at the door. I’ve tried subtle, in-your-face, and other methods to get him out of his shoes before he comes through the door. NONE of it has worked, but one thing does…mopping the floor. When I mop, he drops-his shoes that is, at the door.

However, there are many, including the man I married, that would disagree completely.

A lot of people, on the mainland, don’t remove their shoes for various reasons, and I understand that it’s a personal preference, but when it comes to the mystery of what’s on the bottom of my shoes, I rather deal with the bottom of my feet.

Here are some of the excuses my hubby gives:

• My feet will get cold!
• I haven’t had a pedicure!
• That’s gross.
• That’s primitive.

Or a whole host of other reasons, this isn’t everyone I know, and I am only speaking of my husband(my son’s take off their shoes at the door). But I know plenty ‘o people who don’t like removing their shoes.

It is so ingrained in Hawaii, that even when we come to the “mainland” we maintain this island custom. However, if you go to someone’s house in Hawaii or someone who grew up in Hawaii, be aware that you NEED to remove your shoes before or at the entrance of the house. Here’s why:

• It’s considered rude. Just don’t do it.
• It’s dirty. Do you know what lurks in a public bathroom?
• It’s good for your feet. Getting your feet out of your shoes is good for your feet.
• You can keep sickness away.
• And as my mother use to say, don’t bring the outside, in.

There are even studies about this. One, in particular published on Lifehack – here’s an excerpt of what’s really coming into your home, when you wear your shoes into the house.

“What else is on those shoe bottoms?

Well, there will be a disgusting quantity of dust, bird droppings, dog poop, leafy debris and other unwanted matter. The leafy stuff acts as a breeding ground for bacteria.

“That means potentially harmful bacteria can survive on your shoes for days or even weeks.”- Dr. Reynolds, microbiologist, University of Arizona

The University of Arizona decided to assess the quantity of bacteria and they were not disappointed – they found 421,000 different units! These can be categorized into 9 different strains. They are the cause of infections in the eyes, lungs and stomach. Two of these are certainly worth mentioning so you can reach for your slippers the moment you get home.

The first one is known as E.coli (a pathogenic organism) and it makes up about a third of all bacteria so it is a heavyweight. E.coli strains are mostly harmless, thank goodness, but the nasty ones (like E.coli 0157:H7) are not. They often cause severe stomach and intestinal problems leading to vomiting and diarrhea. Now, you might think the risk of contacting the E.coli bacteria from your shoes is minimal. But let me ask you a question: How many times did you visit the restrooms at work today?

Another type of bacteria the researchers found was the Klebsiella pneumoniae which is known to cause severe damage to the lungs and lead to pneumonia. The death rate from this bacteria is high at 50% and can reach 100% when people are suffering from alcoholism.” – Lifehack, Robert Locke

 

Loving clean floors and clean surfaces helps keep certain ailments our of your home. By removing your shoes, you could be removing carcinegens and useless bacteria out of your home. I mean, who really wants that in the house.

If for no other reason, you would cut down on the amount of chemicals it would take just to clean the floors. In this day and age, do you really need more chemicals.

Try it for a week, so how it goes. If not take a 30 day challenge, and see a difference in how clean or dirty your floors are after. Better? Worse? or No Change?

However, if you’re like me and don’t like the dirt from shoes on your floor, then REMOVE DA SHOES, should be part of your clean routine.

Still feel it’s gross NOT to take off your shoes? It maybe an island thing, but really, it’s a health thing.

 

The One Dollar Calendar that Could

I procrastinate by nature, because if it were by nurture, I would’ve become my mother’s clone.

My mother, by nature, did not procrastinate. She was the on-time woman, by the way, so was my dad. I could set a clock by both of those human beings. However, it was my mother who kept the house running smooth.

 

I truly believe, Emily Post, could’ve taken some pointers from my mom.

Below is the regiment that my mother abided by each day of her life, while I lived at home.

Here’s what I mean –

• 4:30am wake up
• 4:35 clean the bathroom
• 5:00 brush, make-up, hair, dress
• 5:20 Coffee On
• 5:25 mop, clean counter tops, and sink
• 5:40 Coffee and Breakfast
• 6:00 Leave for work

Every morning, 6 days a week. Sundays, however, were sacred in my house, no major household cleaning. She woke up, and from memory, the scent of fresh comet would fill my room. Yes, every morning my mother would clean every surface in the bathroom. Then, the kitchen counters and floors, nothing on the counters or stove. Of course, after work there was the regular vacuuming and dusting. Yes, I said every day except Sunday.

Unfortunately, I did not follow in her footsteps. In fact, I did a bit of a 180, when it came to household chores.

What happened to me? That schedule is what happened to me. It’s a lot to live up to, and other than my cousin, it’s impossible to keep up with, especially with two kids and no help(meaning no family to help). I don’t even know how my mother did it. And that’s when I decided, not to be my mother, but her daughter. Which meant, I didn’t have to follow her military like schedule, all I really needed to do was be scheduled. What a relief! and I gave myself permission to fail, just in case this whole scheduling idea didn’t work out.

In order to keep my life in some sort of recognizable order, I buy a dollar calendar, you know the kind at the dollar store. Yes, that one. I know it’s not a pdf with all the bells and whistles that a lot of websites and office supply offer, but I am going for looks, I am going for: A)Visibility-can’t do what you can’t see B)Accessibility-everyone on the same page C)Accountability-No Excuses-just be flexible, we’re all human.

Not everything goes on the calendar, only those things that affect our day-to-day function. Not only does it give a guide to our month, it’s also a visual reminder that there are things that need to get done, places we need to get to, and important things to accomplish. It helps to give us focus and purpose in our daily lives, especially on days we feel everything is going to hell in a hand basket.

The other helpful hints that get us into “my mom” mode is – colors. Never underestimate the value of color. Especially, if you have school aged children. Color can be the charmer of bees.  My children see their color on the calendar, and they are just biting at the bit to get that little line item crossed off. That sense of, “I finished, I finished, neener, neener, neener, ” kicks in, and life in my house is normal, as it can possibly be.

This is what it sort of looks like:

In this example, I am Purple(my favorite color). Dad is Blue, it also serves to indicate the both of when certain events come up. And green is, of course, for the munchkins. This system, if you want to call it that, helps to keep things clear and neat. Any other personal items go on our Google calendars, and that’s a whole other story. This simple method keeps us on track in day-to-day life.

The dollar calendar isn’t just a dollar, it’s much more valuable. It’s an invaluable tool to keep life in a mode of order, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, all it takes is a dollar. Here’s what to remember:

• Use different colors for different family members. i.e. purple-Mom, blue-Dad, Neon Green-Kids
• Keep it simple. Only things that need to be remembered for your house should be on the calendar. If Aunt Petunia’s birthday is in Pennsylvania, and your not going – does not go on the calendar. However, if you’re going to surprise her in Pennsylvania, then it goes on the calendar.
• LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. If you can’t see it, you can’t use it. So place it in a very HIGH traffic area!

Of course our calendar is stuck on the refrigerator. Other than our bathroom, our refrigerator has the highest traffic foot print!

How do you keep your calendar and where?